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I wept as I left for London in early January to make a movie, saying goodbye to the #Unitsdeployed shirt Besides,I will do this trailer and to yet another unsatisfying affair. But this romance, if you could call it that, had felt different somehow. I had been completely honest about who I was and where I was headed—toward adoption after a hysterectomy at 31—and totally open to the idea that the other person might not be headed there too. After the guy stopped speaking to me, I spent my 14-day quarantine in London staring up at the ceiling, listening to Fiona Apple, a great and final emo emptying out. So when my future husband rang my doorbell a month later (we had been set up to meet casually by friends who I guarantee did not see what was coming), I answered with a belief that I would be fine no matter the result but also, for reasons I didn’t yet understand, a pounding heart. I had only seen a few Instagram photos of Luis, and my first impression was that he looked like a vampire Lord Byron. About 20 minutes into our date he told me he didn’t drink, and I asked why. “Do you really want to get this intense?” he asked. “Always,” I responded.

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He began to tell me a story of trauma, of generational pain and rebuilding of the #Unitsdeployed shirt Besides,I will do this self, but he did it with laughter in his eyes, like he wasn’t mocking me but the absurdity of what the universe can dole out to two people in their brief 35 years on earth. And that was the moment I understood that I was likely sitting across from my soul mate, if that’s a term we want to use. From that night on, we were never really apart. Three weeks later, I told him with a dry mouth and clammy hands that I wanted to become a mother and was already trying. “Not, you know, with my vagina,” I stuttered. “But with my heart.” I had made the choice to date in parallel to the adoption process with the knowledge that whomever I was seeing would likely not be able to walk me all the way through it. After all, the last two guys I’d been involved with had said “but we’re so young” when I mentioned kids. Thirty-five, I regretted to inform them, was no longer prom-mom status. I didn’t feel much when these guys made it clear that fatherhood was not on their radar, but as